The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly, or How to Choose a Writers' Group

RULES

EXAMPLES

•  Does the group have a clearly defined goal, preferably in writing?

This can be something as simple as "We want to see something new from each writer at each meeting," or as elaborate as a mission statement. However, if the members of the group haven't taken the time to define their purpose, they probably don't know where they're going. And neither will you.
 

The Schrodinger's Petshop Mission Statement

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•  Does the group have any interest in the type of writing you want to do?

This may seem irrelevant to you---you may be thinking "We're all writers, right? They'll be glad to help me." Unfortunately it isn't true. The worst horror stories I got were from writers who wanted to write SF or romances and attended meetings at the other large local group in the area. They found themselves and their work attacked as substandard, unworthy, and stupid---in spite of the fact that many of them did very good work. They were not, you see, considered sufficiently "literary" to be worth anybody's time.
   

Schrodinger's Petshop's Writer Requirements

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•  Does the membership arrive and get to work, or does everyone just stand around and talk about writing?

Pretty early in the meeting, everyone should start moving toward the chairs. Manuscript pages ought to start appearing in hands, and pens and notepads ought to come out. You should see people beginning to discuss the writing they have in front of them, in whatever critique format they use.

The group should not spend more than half an hour hanging out and gossiping.
 

•  Are there any rules for people who are criticizing each others work to follow?

This is so important. One nasty writer with a mean streak can destroy a talented beginner, and use his critique time as a way to grind the "competetion" into powder. This is stupid, it sucks, and it's pointless. There is a better way. Critiques should deal only with the work, should be constructive, and should be short. If one person takes more than ten minutes to discuss a piece of work, that's a good sign that the meetings are poorly controlled.
 

Schrodinger's Petshop Rules of Critiquing.

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•  Are there any rules for people whose work is being criticized to follow?

Again, this is essential. People get very defensive when others are telling them what they did wrong, and their first impulse seems to be to argue. The critique-ee needs to have rules to follow, too, and the first of these needs to be "Shut up and listen." If people have taken the time to read or listen to what you wrote, take the time to hear what they have to say about it.
 

Schrodinger's Petshop Rules of Being Critiqued

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•  Does the group have set guidelines for behavior, and a way to remove troublesome members?

Shouldn't be necessary, should it? After all, everybody's an adult. Or at least literate. At least that's the theory.

In fact, however, a removal rule is necessary. You can get a great group together, and you can be having wonderful meetings, and someone will unsuspectingly bring the Writer From Hell with him to a meeting. This writer will ignore the rules, attack the other writers, try to hog the meeting, refuse to even consider changing a word of his precious story, and make life miserable for everyone. The group MUST have a way, stated in advance, of getting rid of this nightmare.
 

Schrodinger's Petshop Membership Guidelines

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•  Do the people who are there like each other?

If the other folks at the meeting spend most of the meeting talking about what a bitch Dorothy is or how they suspect John is writing in English as a poorly-learned third language, or if they snap at each other, cut each other down, or are brutal with each other's manuscripts, RUN AWAY! They will be no kinder to you and your work.

You'll need a few meetings to get a feel for the group dynamics. You'll usually find that the group falls into one of the following types: Circle of Friends, Master and Slaves, or Sharks and Dinner.
 

Circle of Friends

Master and Slaves

Sharks and Dinner

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•  Does everybody bring work to each meeting, or do you hear from the same three people?

In general, avoid all groups where you get to hear from only one or two writers, and everyone else sits around and talks about what they'll write someday.
 

•  Is anybody happy to see you?

Do people make an effort to include you? Did anyone ask you your name? Did you like anyone there?

Furthermore, are you happy to be there? Do you look forward to going to meetings? When you get home, do you want to write, or do you want to become an accountant?

If it isn't fun, if it doesn't add something positive to your life, don't waste your time.